Isaiah 22:8-11 (The Message)
You assessed your defenses that Day, inspected your arsenal of weapons in the Forest Armory. You found the weak places in the city walls that needed repair. You secured the water supply at the Lower Pool. You took an inventory of the houses in Jerusalem and tore down some to get bricks to fortify the city wall. You built a large cistern to ensure plenty of water.
You looked and looked and looked, but you never looked to him who gave you this city, never once consulted the One who has long had plans for this city.
Okay - I'll admit it! I'm guilty of trying repeatedly to do it on my own rather than trusting God for the answers. It's called the Superwoman Syndrome.
Just like Hezekiah, who took inventory of his weapons for warfare and built an aqua duct under Jerusalem to provide water from the local springs in case of a siege, I usually have to have a plan B.
It's not that I believe God is incapable of answering my prayers or providing for my needs. He has answered prayer many times in awesome ways for me. It really boils down to a need to be in control because I have difficulty trusting the One who is really in control.
I used to see myself as a warrior, standing on the hillside facing into the winds of adversity - hair and cape billowing behind me. In my right hand I held a spear with the end planted firmly in the ground. I felt fearless and strong.
When I finally realized I was standing there alone, I panicked! Though I was a Christian, God was nowhere in sight - I finally understood I wasn't super woman and couldn't face things on my own. I needed Him.
That's when He showed me how I really appeared to Him - as a child with cerebral palsy - arms and legs tightly clamped to my body, unable to reach out in faith because of my atrophied trust muscles.
It's been quite an adventure since then - growing up in Him and learning to exercise trust in every situation. I admit - it's easy to lapse back into those old ways of coping by trying to fortify and fend for myself. But thankfully, He's there to remind me where I've been and where He wants me to be.
Help me, Lord, to always look to you for guidance and provision