Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Confessions of an anonymous author

Blogs are useful tools. I use mine to let people know what I'm doing with my writing and speaking, to organize my thoughts for projects and just as a place to record my thoughts each day - a kind of daily journal of where I'm at spiritually.

The neat thing about blogging is that these thoughts can be shared! It really cuts down on the sense of "aloneness" I feel as I read the blogs of other writers, other pastor's wives and friends. Many of them are going through the same things I am so it becomes a way to share our hearts and our stories. Usually, I stop and say a prayer for the authors of the blogs I read, especially if their blog seems to indicate a spiritual or emotional struggle.

I've been blogging for months now. When I set up my site, it had room for all kinds of neat stuff on it, like photos and hobby lists, a place for quotes and even neat templates for backgrounds. What I didn't realize is that the URL for my blog was incorrect! I kept giving out a URL which took readers to a text page of my blog without all the neat bells and whistles. It was so bad that unless they knew me, there was no way of knowing whose blog it was!

I could get upset for all the "wasted words", all the time and effort I put into it when no one really knew who the author was. But it reminds me of a story Christ told of two men who went into the temple to pray. The first was a Pharisee who thanked God he was not like the poor publican - a nobody in the world's eyes. His arrogant demeanor and need to prove to the world that he was a superhero in the religious world made Christ sick.

But the publican, a man who humbled himself, admitting his neediness and flawed nature to God was praised in Christ's story. He went away from his prayer time satisfied that God had heard and blessed him.

I constantly need to evaluate my spiritual life. Am I writing to prove I am a spiritual person? Am I puffing myself up in the world's eyes, but really making Christ ill because of my arrogance and pride? Or am I humble enough to believe He can use the offerings I bring - especially the ones I give behind the scenes - the ones where I remain anonymous?

Lord, move the capital "I" out of the way and let others see only You!