In the third month after the people of Israel left Egypt, they came to the Sinai Desert on the same day. They had left Rephidim and had come to the Sinai Desert. There Israel set up their tents in front of the mountain. And Moses went up to God. The Lord called to him from the mountain, saying, “Say this to the house of Jacob and tell the people of Israel: ‘You have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I carried you on eagles’ wings and brought you to Myself. Now then, if you will obey My voice and keep My agreement, you will belong to Me from among all nations. For all the earth is Mine. You will be to Me a nation of religious leaders, a holy nation. These are the words you will speak to the people of Israel.” Ex 19: 1-6
It was a sunny day, early in my healing journey from abuse. We were visiting at in-laws' home and I decided to take a walk into the woods in the back field. The memories and hurt of the childhood abuse hung heavy on my heart and I needed to pray about the overwhelming shame I felt in my heart. When I was almost 200 yards from the house, I turned into the woods , being careful to stay hidden under the trees, away from prying eyes, but not far enough into the woods to get lost.
There was a large log lying on the ground, a perfect spot beckoning me to sit, meditate and pray. My heart felt heavy at first as I began to whip my heart with self-condemnation. "Lord, I know you say you love me. But how is that possible with all this darkness and filth from the abuse inside me?"
I felt so sorry for myself as I prayed. All the unworthiness and uncleanness poured out. When I reached the end of my woe-is-me prayer, an amazing thing happened. I noticed a beautiful flower nearby and began praising the Lord. My mood brightened. I examined my surroundings and my heart warmed to his wonder. I started humming, "This is my Father's World." He had come into that little wooded vale and sat down with me on that old log, inviting conversation.
Hanging my head, still feeling the weight of shame I carried, I asked the Lord the question that was burning in my heart. "Lord, why are you bothering to heal me? I'm too broken and shameful to be worthy of your grace."
In the loving way only he can speak to a hurting heart, he answered me there. "It has nothing to do with your worthiness. I do it because I choose to. To me, you are worth the time and energy I am investing in you. Even if you never do anything with the healing. Can you accept that?"
I didn't have to be whole to be valuable to God. I didn't have to be healed already. He could use me if he chose, any time, anywhere, even while in the midst of the healing process. I was valuable to him, simply because my heart belonged to him. All he asked was that I let him work in me.
The Children of Israel belonged to God too. At this point, they weren't healed from the hurts of their slavery. No! They hadn't even learned to trust him fully yet. But as they camped at Sinai, God renewed his covenant with them. God was speaking to them with this same message. "I have chosen you - you are worth the time and energy I am investing in you, to heal you and make you a nation of religious leaders." The only thing he asked of them was that they allow him to work in their hearts and lives without pushing him away and to interact with him through the healing process. After all, a doctor can heal our bodies, but unless we cooperate, and obey his instructions, the healing process will be hindered.
Perhaps, God is sending you a message today - you are worth the time and energy he is investing in you. Will you allow him to work in your life and cooperate with his healing program?