A Case of Mistaken Identity

O Lord, You have looked through me and have known me. You know when I sit down and when I get up. You understand my thoughts from far away. You look over my path and my lying down. You know all my ways very well. Even before I speak a word, O Lord, You know it all. You have closed me in from behind and in front. And You have laid Your hand upon me. All You know is too great for me. It is too much for me to understand. (Psalm 139:1-6 New Life Translation)

I received an e-mail the other day from a friend whose name is also Bonnie. I chuckled over it especially since I'm not acquainted with too many people with my same first name.

However, when we moved into our current church and community about 4 years ago, I was very surprised to learn there were not one, but two other women who shared my first name,and my last!

One of the Bonnies is married to Don (very similar to Dan). Her husband complained to mine one day that they were getting a lot of phone calls intended for us and the church. He wasn't too happy either, even though there was nothing we could do about it!

Another time, I applied for a job at the local Library. Though I was qualified, I didn't get the job - I wonder if it had anything to do with the fact they already had one Bonnie Winters working there? Might have been pretty confusing for the patrons!

I've learned one of my counterparts is involved with the SPCA. One attends a church of the same denomination as my pastor hubby and I . One of them used to deliver mail and both of them are about the same age as I am.

Though it's confusing to live in such a small community with two other women with the same name, I know one thing for sure - God knows me. He knows my name and all the details of my life. With Him, there's never any chance of confusion or mistaken identity.

Thank You Lord for knowing me!

Refeathering the empty nest

The last of our fledglings was pushed abruptly from the nest four years ago. Our youngest daughter had just married, She had a good job and was looking for a house of her own when we made the decision to accept a new out-of-state pastorate.

Our oldest son had celebrated his 7th anniversary and was living out his idea of the American Dream in upstate NY. Our middle daughter was well on the way to raising her own baseball team and preparing for ministry with her hubby in NC when we moved.

Ahhh, the bliss of a quiet morning with a nice hot cuppa Joe on the deck of our rambling 5 bedroom, 3 bath parsonage. We were definitely enjoying our quiet lifestyle and each other's company as the years passed.

Uh-oh! Do you hear that sound of breaking glass? It's the sound of my idyllic lifestyle shattering into a million tiny shards as the fledglings return.

Several months ago, my son and his wife decided to sell their home in NY because the cost of living and property taxes were edging them closer and closer to bankruptcy. They moved their furniture into the unfinished half of our full basement and are living in the finished half (roughly the size of a large studio apartment) as they look for a new house.

It's rather nice having them here - I get to see my grandson every day and do the grandma babysitting thing, though my writing time has dwindled.

Uh-oh! Did you hear that loud bang? It's the sound of an atomic bomb being dropped on my semi-idyllic life. My daughter and her hubby from NC are between church assignments and have no place to call home (that's one of the problems with parsonage life...).

There goes my quiet cup of morning java on the deck. They'll be moving here early next month for a time of regrouping emotionally and financially until their next ministry assignment. Let's see, that makes 11 occupants in our house. Oh well, there goes my writing time.

I'll be okay...as long as my youngest daughter in PA doesn't decide to get a divorce and move home with her 3 doggies...

Maybe tomorrow I'll blog on female pattern baldness...

Do you have the mentality of a 4th grader?

A group of business executives were asked to answer the following questions as part of a study to test their problem solving/question answering skills. Try your hand at them to see how you fare.

(Don’t cheat! See if you can answer the questions before scrolling down farther.)

Q. How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?
Q. How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator?
Q. The Lion King hosted a gala party. All the animals came but one. Which animal wasn’t there?
Q. You have also been invited to the Lion King’s party. But in order to get there you have to cross an alligator infested river. How will you get across?

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Yes, these were actual questions in the study.

To prove their point, the creators of the study asked the same four questions to a group of fourth graders.

Okay – now you can check out the answers and see how well you did:

Q. How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?
A. Open up the door and put it in.

Q. How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator?
A. Open the door, take the elephant out and put the giraffe in.

Q. The Lion King hosted a gala party. All the animals came but one. Which animal wasn’t there?
A. The giraffe because it was still in the refrigerator.

Q. You have also been invited to the Lion King’s party. But in order to get there you have to cross an alligator infested river. How will you get across?
A. You can swim across the river – all the alligators are at the party.

Do I hear a collective groan out there?

The 4th grade students actually scored higher, getting the correct answers 80% of the time because the business executives spent their time trying to analyze the situations, missing the simple, obvious answers.

This is the spiritual application of the study: We must become as little children to accept the simplicity of the gospel by faith, otherwise we will over analyze it every time and miss the wonderful truth of God. No wonder we adults have so much trouble trusting!

Living, Breathing Prayer

This week's quote is:
"To be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing"~ Martin Luther ~

"Okay, breathe," I told myself as another contraction tensed my abdominal muscles. Oh how I regretted not being able to take Lamaze classes! But at least I knew the basics - short shallow breaths during the worst of the pain, then deep breathing once the contraction subsided.

In the mid 1970's, proponents of natural childbirth and nursing were adamant they were the only ways to start a child's life. Being a first time mom, I wanted to do things "right." So even without formal Lamaze training, I concentrated on breathing to get through the birthing experience.

It really did work - by concentrating on the breathing process, my attention was diverted away from the pain. I had a tendency to hold my breath, enduring the pain until it passed, But as I practiced breathing through it, I was able to "do" something to take control of the pain, relax my body and occupy my mind until it passed.

Proper breathing became a lifeline, a necessity to managing the painful experiences of life - first childbirth, then later gall bladder attacks and even panic attacks during a time of emotional upheaval in my life.

In the same way, prayer has become a lifeline to help me through the painful or difficult times of life. Rather than just holding my breath and hanging on with a white-knuckled grip until God takes care of the situation, prayer helps me relax and relinquish control.

Prayer becomes an exercise in trust. As my relationship with Him grows deeper through prayer, I am able to trust Him more fully. I know He will take care of things - not just in my head, but at the core of my being. Even though I still have to walk through difficult places, He is my focus, not the situation. I can rest in His peace, knowing He will hold me until the crisis passes.

If you would like to join us on: Tuesday, March 6th
Visit "Sting My Heart" to read her take on the quote and to leave your link along with the other participants.

Nobody's Perfect...

Let me just go on record to say that pastor’s wives aren't perfect. Rushing around to get everything ready to go out the door can be overwhelming when your routine gets upset. Take yesterday morning for instance…

A missionary visited the church for the morning service so my husband planned a soup and sandwich luncheon afterward. Being the good pastor’s wife means being sure there is enough to eat. Normally, it's not a problem, but because of an overnight snowfall, I suspected some people wouldn't show up with their food. So I fretted about it, wondering what else I could make.

Though I fixed up the ham salad for sandwiches on Saturday, I still had to make them on Sunday morning to be sure they didn't get soggy. I grumbled under my breath about how much I dislike luncheons as I fixed breakfast for my hubby and my visiting son’s family.

Because of the snow, my helper called to say she wasn't able to make it for Children’s Church so I had to make a snack and gather up some extra lesson supplies that she would normally bring.

Then I remembered - it was my turn to sing a special. Because of the weather we didn't have Wednesday evening worship practice so I forgot to check the schedule. I made a mad dash to sort through the cassettes and CD tracks.

There were several which I had been practicing, but wasn't sure which one to sing. One song had been circulating in my head since I woke up so I decided that was the one I’d do. After a quick practice, I was ready to go to church feeling agitated and unsettled.

Thank God the weather and other situations don’t catch Him by surprise. He’s always there and ready, even if we aren't. In spite of my morning upset, the song went well. I survived Children’s Church and there was plenty of food.

The song God put in my head as I rushed around the house feeling harried was His choice to meet the unspoken needs of our missionary guest. Though I was distracted, God was still in control. His timing and love are perfect, even though I'm not!

You Want Me To What - Mentoring Part 2

At age 32, I was elected to become a sectional leader in our denomination's girl's program. When I say "elected", I really mean all the candidates stood in a line and I was the only one without sense enough to take a step back!

Being a sectional Missionettes rep meant planning activities and training ops for the girls and leaders in the program across our state and in my local area which included about 20 churches.

Twice a year the reps met together for planning sessions. All of us were pastor's wives and for the first time, masks began coming off as we gabbed late into the night. As I saw their hurts, I began to pray that God would allow me to help. But I didn't know how.

When the opportunity arose to take lay counseling training, I jumped at the chance. Here was a tool I could use to minister to the hurting pastor's wives around me. God must have smiled, eve snickered a little because the deeper I went into the course, the more I began to see my own insecurities and hurts - those things I struggled to keep buried since "pastor's wives shouldn't have difficulties - we need to be strong as an example to those in our congregation."

I wanted to help, but I was the one who needed it! God began a deep healing in my life, forcing me to examine deep-seated hurts which I had covered in order to survive. He began by uncovering them, then cleaning the wounds, repairing elements of trust and finally giving strength to grow up in Him.

During that time I learned the first 3 principles of mentoring.:

1. A mentor is someone who has walked a similar path before you, who's familiar with the rough terrain of that road and understands how to get past those rough places victoriously.

In order to be an effective mentor or help to my fellow pastor's wives, I had to face my own hurts and begin the process of overcoming them. I also learned that I didn't have to be completely "healed" emotionally to help. I only had to be willing to share openly what God was doing inside me to that point.

2. A mentor doesn't have to be through the experience or totally finished with her journey to help.

The most help I received on my healing journey came from the other gals I sat with week by week in my therapy group. We were all at different points in our healing journey. Some weeks I helped them as I shared my victories. Others helped me to get past difficult places as they shared with me.shared their stories with me.

3. A mentor helps by giving of herself. It is the honest sharing of experiences that brings healing and the most help on the journey. Our wise Heavenly Father designed it that way! None of us walk in a vacuum. We need each other, not only to survive, but to conquer for Him.

Not everyone is willing or ready to accept the mentor's hand, but that's another blog!

You Want Me To What?

When I was a young pastor's wife, I felt people expected me to be a leader, but I didn't have a clue how to teach them or "mentor" (guide) them on life's path. Now that I fit into Paul's definition of an "older" woman in Titus 2:3-5 (the KJV uses the term aged, but I refuse to go there!), I feel more comfortable in that role.

About 14 years ago, I returned to college as an adult learner. My Heavenly Father who knew just what I needed, led me to Empire State College - a college level program designed specifically for adult learners who may not be able to sit in a classroom situation due to work schedules or family responsibilities - kind of like College level home schooling!

For each class, I had a different mentor, an expert in that field of study. It wasn't the mentor's job to teach me the things I needed to know. Rather, each one helped me define what I wanted/needed to learn, how I would learn it and how I would evaluate that learning. They suggested textbooks to read and assigned topics for written assignments to evaluate what I gleaned from what I'd read.

I was so interested in the mentoring process itself, my college major became adult learning and mentoring. I learned the hows and whys of mentoring - becoming more of a coach and guide rather than a "teacher." I learned that I don't have all the answers, but I don't need to - rather, I need to be an encourager so others can seek the answers they need and learn for themselves.

Now I have a better understanding of what Paul was instructing the older women to do - not to preach to the younger women on how to live, but to mentor, guide, coach them, helping them to discover for themselves the hows and whys of their lives in Christ. What a neat opportunity!

Tomorrow I'll share some of the principles I learned about mentoring. Come back and visit me here!